Have you ever felt like your life is just going nowhere? Like you’re sitting watching friends, family, strangers move on and achieve their goals and LIVE LIFE. You might have taken steps away from what wasn’t quite going for you, but you’re stuck in-limbo in a place where you aren’t quite moving forward yet. Or, more likely, you are, but it doesn’t feel like it. None of the small steps you’ve been making have really manifested into anything. Or anything quite ‘big’ enough in comparison to the high standards you set for yourself.

That’s okay. Because, let me tell you, you aren’t alone. I feel like I have so many ideas and aspirations for my life ahead, but i’m still struggling to get them out on paper, to clear my vision. To actually move past the fear and ACT upon them, to really make them happen. Because I know I can’t just sit and hope that i’ll be the lucky one, i’ll be the one to just get their dreams handed to them on a plate. (Not that i’d turn that down if you did pull that card my way, universe.) My whole life to this point I have worked my ass off to get where I wanted to go, and although it didn’t quite get me to the place that deep down I wanted, I know the playing rules aren’t going to change even if my life path does.

Feeling this way usually cumulates in at least a day spent in my house, most likely my bed, anxiety trickling through me. Most likely dulled through distraction; whether that be scrolling through insta or binge-watching youtube or actually reading a book. The past few days have been quite like that for me - but with a perfect excuse; I was plagued by the sickness bug. Which kinda makes it worse, because I couldn’t even psyche myself up to get up and seize the day. Because quite literally, I couldn’t get up.

But on the bright side, I guess I have to be grateful for the time it’s given me to reflect (or to distract from said reflection and sense of impending doom.) It’s given me time to remind myself that IT’S OKAY NOT TO KNOW. REPEAT. IT’S OKAY NOT TO KNOW.

I don’t know about you, but as a child I was always encouraged to take the safer option. To do the thing that would lead to a stable career, that would guarantee success; that had a clear final picture at the end of it. Which makes complete sense, because who wouldn’t want their child/student/friend to be successful, because success = health = happiness, right?

And for some people, following such a set, clear path works out.

But when it doesn’t, it takes a lot of mental re-jigging to be able to push past the fear of failure to actually go out and re-carve your journey, to clear the path whilst you go down it. 

Learning how to take an idea and just go with the flow is difficult. It’s difficult to trust the process, and to trust yourself when your whole life has been lived in belief that you needed these external grades, titles, pathways to validate yourself and your worth. 

Those steps, as minuscule as they might seem ARE building up. They WILL come into fruition. Because you can manifest anything and everything you want in life - you just have to keep pushing. You just have to not give up on yourself or on the universe. 

Push through those stagnant waters, keep going in that blind faith that you are doing enough in life. 

Because years from now, you’ll look back and wish you just enjoyed the journey.