I’ve always been the kind of person that wears their heart on their sleeve. i don’t really have any secrets about myself, and I’m pretty open about a lot of subjects that can be uncomfortable to some to talk about, or viewed as ‘taboo.’

but being open about things, breaking down stigma, being vulnerable sometimes can be beautiful. it can bring people together, form connections, take relationships to a deeper level. friendship is so much more than someone to have fun and chat with. some people in your life provide that escape and distraction, some provide a more superficial, lighthearted, fun friendship, and others are there for deep meaningful chats at midnight and understand the parts of you that not many people see. relationships, like with anything, are about balance. balance in the type of connection, but also balance in the effort given between the two people, the time invested - we hear too often about ‘emotional vacuums’ and people feeling as if a bond is one-sided. 

but that’s me getting sidetracked with another topic.


for me, being vulnerable on here has been strange. in one part, it’s been therapeutic, almost cathartic to be able to express my feelings into words, into captions that are very vague and general at times but still enough so that if someone knows, they know. it has allowed me to make so many connections with people, have messages sent to me that bring tears to my eyes, knowing that I might have had a positive impact on someones day even in the slightest way. Letting people know that they’re not alone. that we can change our lives together.

on the other hand at times it brings me fear and discomfort - when at times i’m in denial of my reality, I question whether I’ve overshared, whether I want to continue sharing, fear that maybe people are judging me or thinking about me differently, or that it might affect how i’m perceived by others before they’ve even spoken to me face-to-face, or really listened or read about what I believe in, and what I have to offer on this platform.


But when I think about it, being open on here is helping me heal. It’s helping me confront the fear I have about never being good enough for others, not being worthy of acceptance or love. It’s helping me realize that I can never be perfect, none of us can. My content can always be improved, my videos might be terribly edited but that’s okay. I want to be raw. I want to be imperfect. I want this space to be a place away from the perfectly posed and edited side of the internet where peoples health, body image, aspirations and ideals can be clouded by a false sense of reality. I want to be REAL.


And for me, being vulnerable is one step towards reaching a place where I hope one day I’ll feel content, and comfortable, with being just that.